Depression

Assalamualaikum,

Malaysian don't usually suffer from depression. why? people asks. It is because we Malaysian don't usually give a fuck about this trivial matter.

Just like what happen to me. I've been through a lot lately. I do feel sad sometimes. But I have this defense mechanism which often told me to fight this somber feeling. I've made a lot of the wrong choice in my life. I let a lot of people down. I am not competence with my work and the list goes on. My mind kept on telling me that I should feel bad about myself.

But, at the end of the day. Things did work out just fine. How broke you feel, how bad you screw up, things become better the next day. Why? Because I have Allah. When I feel sad. I kept this feeling to myself, I don't even bother to tell my husband about the matter. So sometimes I end up overthinking, and this depression came approaching me. Often I keep this feeling ferment for several hours, when I feel like I am going to burst, I held up my hand and send my prayer to my creator. I told Allah what happen even though I know He already knew what happen.  I cried if I want to, and I pray to him.

When I felt all my hope was gone. There came His help, in numerous ways. There's this one time that I am totally broke, suddenly my dad decides to bring food to my house. I am really thankful for that. Even though this for somebody just a small matter, but I believe Allah had answered my prayer. I have enough money to survive for that month.

So no matter what happen, how bad your life it, just remember Allah is still listening to you even though everybody had abandon you.

Wasalam

Orang

Kalau aku cakap,
Orang takkan faham,
Orang takkan rasa,
Lopak dalam hati aku,
Betapa dalamnya dia.

Kalau aku cerita,
Tentang apa aku rasa,
Orang bakal kata,
"sabar jela",
Orang takkan faham.

Jadi aku diam,
Aku mandi airmata,
Kerana aku sedang sabar,
Orang yang tak faham takkan rasa,
Orang yang tak faham takkan tahu,
Hanya yang faham akan nampak,
Siapa sebenarnya aku. 

18.9.2015

Pudu

Bye for now syg,
Till we meet again later,
My dream come true,
My world,
My life. 
I cant stop myself from drowning in tears,
Though I see a lot of things,
In my mind,
I only see you. 

Till we meet again syg.
Soon..

susah

baju kuning, 

gendut :P

ingat lagi wajahmu

ketika kau buka pintu itu

kenapa tak ada rasa awkward?

macam selalu aku jumpa

:) cinta,

waktu aku 

sepanjangnya aku habiskan

demi kepadamu

isyaallah selamanya

ingat lagi 

aku tak mmpu tahan 

aku tak mampu cakap

aku hanya mnangis

dan kau cuba senyumkan aku

aku malu

kau kata esok akan sihat

"nnti kita jalan2 na?"

hari ini kita setahun. 

aku nak kita selama-lamanya.

insyaallah. 

r.i.a.l.i.t.i

bukan cuba rush,
tapi aku nak rasa,
bukan cuba persoal,
tapi aku nak paham,
bukan cuba nak marah,
tapi aku manusia

kelip mata
kelip kelip

tidur dengan mimpi
bangun dengan rialiti

kalau aku boleh tukar,
dah lama aku buat

topeng

topeng

yang paling sakit itu,
bukanlah ketika berduka,
tapi bila memakai topeng,
topeng senyuman,
demi semua,

kenapa pendam?
kenapa kalau mata aku bercerita,
kau mampu selesaikannya?
biar dipendam saja duka itu,
demi semua.

termenung melihat langit,
pandangan kaku,
tapi mnda penuh tanya,
persoalkan takdir,
ku tanya kenapa,
kadang dukaku melimpah,
lalu aku kesatnya,
dan hati terus betanya,
sampai bila.


lalu aku pakai topeng itu,
kembali ke realiti kehidupan.

Kau

Hehe.

Dulu
Kau aku anggap hanya impian,
Takdir ubahkan semua,
Sampai sekarang sukar aku pecaya,
Yang kau denganku.

Hehe syg,
Kita bukan pasangan  drama,
Aku brutel,
Kita sama gila,
Kadang kau kayu,
Tapi aku tahu,
Kau dan aku punya hati satu.

Dia buka hati aku,
Melalui kau untuk dekat denganNya,
Meski aku mengeluh dulu,
Aku sedar sebenarnya,
Dia sedang menjaga.

Syg aku tak mahu takbur,
Yang kau milikku selamanya,
aku harap hanya dengan izinnya,
Satu masa kita kan bersama.
Insyaallah. Selamanya.